5 Things People Don’t Tell You About Losing Weight

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say, just in what they are”

-Markus Zusak

Hello my lovelies!

I hope you’ve all had an incredible New Year ring in. I can’t say there will be a new me this year, but I can say with certainty that I have a lot to look forward to in the coming months. I’ll be graduating from my esthetics program in March, celebrating my 21st birthday in April, and flying out to Ireland in May. If you ask me, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Today’s post is going to be a much more personal one. As you can see by the title, I’m going to talk weight loss. Weight loss, for the right reasons, is a great thing and should be celebrated. It’s hard work both mentally and physically, and all credit is due to those who are able to lead a healthier lifestyle, regardless of the number of pounds lost. What people don’t tell you though, is that there are some pesky inconveniences that can occur with the lost weight, and as always, I think it’s equally as important to talk about upsides and downsides of all things in life.

For those of you who don’t know or haven’t noticed, I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past year and a half. 60 pounds to be exact. While I don’t want this post to sound unappreciative or ungrateful in any way, I want everyone to understand that losing weight isn’t as cut and dry as people will make it out to be, and that it’s ok and valid to notice and feel these things that I will talk about. I also want everyone to remember that unless you’re under doctor’s orders, you don’t need to lose weight to exist in society. You have a right to exist in the body you are already in, and don’t EVER listen to people who try to tell you otherwise. There isn’t a single thing wrong with the way you look, because there is only one you on this planet and so long as you are living your best life, no one gets to tell you otherwise.

Please note that if you have ever struggled or are currently struggling with an eating disorder, this post may not be for you. I will not talk about eating or disordered eating throughout the post, but I will be talking about body image. If you know that this might be triggering for you, practice self care and click out of this post. Your well being is far more important than anything I have to say.


Losing Weight Won’t Cure Body Image Issues –

If your main motivator for losing weight is because you hate yourself, not only is that a terrible idea, but the lost weight won’t make you not hate yourself. Diet culture feeds off of telling people that the only way they can love themselves is by being small, and I’m here to tell you that as a now small person, that’s a bunch of crap. My self esteem has improved because I release endorphins during exercise, sure, but it improved most because I made the effort to love myself BEFORE I lost 60 pounds. Being skinny is not what makes me love myself more, it’s knowing that I’m practicing self care and living the way I want to that makes me love myself most.

People Are Significantly Nicer When You’re Skinny (But Not Too Skinny) –

Deny fatphobia all you want, but people are downright dreadful to those they consider “unhealthy”, as if weight is a tell all indicator of health. Of course my weight gain was due to unhealthy habits of mine, I was sick and sedentary for almost a year. However, that does not mean in any way that people who aren’t small deserve to be ridiculed or harassed for existing in their body. You don’t know their lives or the minute details as to why they look the way they do. Most importantly, unless you’re their doctor, your opinion on their body weight is a crock of shit and is best kept to yourself.

Weight Loss Can Become Obsessive –

I am 100 percent guilty as charged on this one. After losing 60 pounds, I won’t lie to all of you and say I wouldn’t mind if I gained it all back. I worked hard to get to this point and frankly, gaining it back is a looming fear of mine. While I’m trying to work against my minor obsession with weight gain/loss, I like to remind myself that I am a woman and therefore my weight will fluctuate all the time, my weight doesn’t define my worth , and as long as I still maintain a healthy lifestyle, the number on the scale is completely unimportant to my self image and assessment of how healthy I am. Losing a lot of weight creates a sort of “high”. It feels good knowing you’ve accomplished something so many people hope to do as well, and it can become addictive very fast. Working to replace that weight loss obsession with a healthy mindset has thus far been the largest hurdle for me personally, but I know that I am capable of perseverance.

It’s Expensive As Hell –

60 pounds ago, I was a size 29 in my Madewell jeans. I could write you a novel on why those $128 babies are the greatest clothing investment possible, but that’s not the point. 60 pounds later, I’m a size 25. See where I’m going with this? Weight loss means new clothes, new shoes, new bras, and a cut up credit card or two. Forget clothes, buying healthier food requires you to sell your firstborn for some spinach. That gym membership will cost you a pretty penny should you choose to join one as well. It shouldn’t be a surprise that populations with a lower income majority tend to be overweight; losing weight is expensive and requires an insane amount of financial privilege. Sure, you lose the fatphobic “tax” on plus size clothing (something about using more fabric, such bullshit), but that doesn’t make having to replace your entire wardrobe and kitchen some sort of easy feat. Weight loss truly is a sign of privilege, and while it’s totally ok to have that privilege, acknowledging the existence of that concept is essential.

Your Weight Loss Becomes Your Defining Feature –

At the end of the day, my weight loss was not that dramatic. I didn’t go from an obese, borderline lifestyle to shredded abs Nutrisystem lifestyle. I just lost 50 pounds and toned up. Despite the fact that my change was nowhere near as severe as it is for many people, others have noticed, and with that noticing, it has quickly become the only thing people want to talk about with me. Here I am running a fairly successful blog, on my way to earning my Esthetician’s license in March, participating in many events and hobbies, and the main topic that people choose to discuss with me is the way I look. I’m not talking about the people who mention it once or twice then move on, I’m talking about those who continue to bring it up during multiple occasions. I’m sure some of you are sitting there thinking “oh get over it Zoey, people are just saying you look great”, but that’s not really what they’re saying. What people are actually saying when they choose to continuously discuss your weight loss with you is “Nothing else about you is as important to me as the way you look”, and that fucking sucks. What they’re saying is sure, those other things you do are cool, but the way you look is a defining characteristic and a dealbreaker. However, and this might come as a shock, literally anything else you do is more important than your weight loss transformation, and all those people who constantly make you uncomfortable by bringing it up all the time can suck on an egg.

Whether you’re trying to lose weight, gain weight, maintain your weight, or just read body image rants, I truly do hope that at least one of you can find solace in this post. And please, please, PLEASE, remember that you are worthy of love, validation, and acceptance regardless of the number on the scale, your thigh gap or lack thereof, or the way your stomach looks.


That’s all I have for you guys today. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps me out. Also don’t forget to have a wonderful Wednesday!

Stay beautiful!

Disclaimer: I will never edit my pictures in a way that misrepresents my natural weight and body type. Some Links may be affiliate links. All opinions are my own

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How To Keep Stress Down During The Holiday Season

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow”

– Melody Beattie

Hello my lovelies!

‘Tis the season for family, friends, food, and copious amounts of stress. If you’re anything like me, you won’t be seeing a break in your hectic schedule until springtime. The key to charging through the chaos, of course, is to find techniques and routines that help you relax during this busy time. Not sure where to start? Check out my method to keeping my stress levels low and manageable below!

Let’s Get Started:


Make Time For Yourself –

This is inarguably the most important piece of advice I can give. Pick a part of your day where you can be alone, uninterrupted, and relaxed. I know that we all lead hectic lives and have responsibilities, relationships, jobs or school to maintain, but how can you expect to succeed in all of those things if you’re not taking time to be your best self? I would highly recommend a 1-2 hour block of time before bed, as everything that needed doing during the day is now behind you.

Meditate –

This can either be guided or free form, whatever works best for you. I love using an app on my phone to pick and choose what I feel I need to kickstart my day, and using other meditations to help me relax my body at night. Mediation has so many amazing benefits, from reducing anxiety and depression, to increasing overall cognitive brain function. Since I’ve started my journey through mindfulness, I have learned to have a far more positive outlook on life and have reduced my anxiety significantly. It may seem crazy, but over time, it becomes obvious when you’ve missed a mindfulness practice, mostly to yourself, but potentially to those around you as well.

Drink Some Wine –

What? Alcohol for stress? Sounds like a bad idea right? The idea is moderation. If you can, stick with a red wine, as the benefits of red wine far outweigh the benefits of white. A single glass with dinner can help to reduce stress, anxiety, and create a calming sensation within the body before bedtime. If you absolutely do not want to drink wine, opt for decaffeinated tea instead.

Light A Candle –

I don’t have a lot of science to offer with this, but boy is a candle relaxing. Lighting up your favorite scented candle, dimming the lights, and getting comfy isn’t just reserved for getting in the mood, it’s also a great way to settle in for the night and relax. I love picking candles that coordinate with a holiday or weather change, with my current pick being “Wine Cellar” to represent a chilly-but-cozy vibe. Incense or an essential oil diffuser also work if either of those are more your speed.

Exercise –

Whether it’s yoga, running, strength training, or walking, regular physical activity is a fantastic way to keep stress at bay. Whatever your level of fitness, there’s always an activity for you. The worst thing you can do for yourself during stressful periods of time is putting physical activity on the back burner. After a good workout, endorphins release into our brain, giving us that happy, stress-free feeling that we often associate with activities we like. Regular exercise can also alleviate those winter blues that many of us fall victim to, leading to an overall happier and healthier life.

Practice Self Care –

Give yourself a manicure and pedicure. Put on a face mask. Lather up with some lotion. Watch a favorite movie or tv show. Read a book. Do things that make YOU happy and keep you rested and healthy enough to take on whatever comes your way. My nightly skincare routine is my place of happiness, and the action of doing all of my skincare steps always gives me a relaxed, carefree sensation to close out an often stressful day.


That’s all I have for you guys today. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps me out. Also don’t forget to have a fabulous Friday!

Stay beautiful!

Disclaimer: I will never edit my pictures in a way that misrepresents my natural weight and body type. Some Links may be affiliate links. All opinions are my own

I Get Sad Sometimes

“Healing isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about changing how you feel about who you are.”

-Suzanne Heyn

 

Hello my lovelies!

In honor of Mental Illness Awareness week, I wanted to bite my own figurative bullet and break away from my usual posts.

Today, I want to talk about my depression

 

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Cat’s out the bag, folks. Oh wait…

Talking about my depression means that I also have to admit something to all of you: I get really sad sometimes. That sounds arbitrary and normal, I know. Everyone gets sad sometimes, right? The thing is, I’m putting it lightly. Because admitting I’ve exceeded the point of simple sadness means I have to address my actual problems, and who wants to do that? Boring, I say.

And that’s something I can say with certainty about myself; my life has certainly never been boring.

I want to tell you all of the reasons I get sad sometimes. Not because I want you to feel bad for me, that’s not the point. The point is, that pretending to be something I’m not has never worked for me. I am not always excited to put on makeup. I am not always excited to put clothes on. I am not always excited to blog, or eat, or sleep, or basically function at capacity. I am not always happy. My sadness is actually why I’ve ended up on this blog to begin with. The best artists use their emotions to their advantage.

I’m not going to detach myself by creating a bullet point list on why I’m sad sometimes. It’s impersonal, and bullet points don’t cover how I feel many days. That’s like asking me to tweet the reasons why I have a hard time getting out of bed almost every day. 140 characters doesn’t cover that shit and you know it.

 

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280 Characters though? WHAT A DEAL!

Instead, I’m going to go all poetic on your asses. It’s going to be scattered. It’s going to be imperfect. It’s definitely going to be a little sad. But that’s who I am: This weird, funny, creative, sometimes-sad mess of a person, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

So, like, why do I get sad sometimes?

 

Good question, inner me. Shall we begin?

 

I get sad sometimes because of things happening in my life

I get sad sometimes because I’m not always in control

I get sad sometimes because I’m lonely, and admitting that makes it worse

I get sad sometimes because I’m more angered by events than I am delighted

I get sad sometimes because it’s tiring hearing the same drivel from people you care for

“You should work out!” “Get some sunlight” “Have you tried not being so negative?”

I get sad sometimes because “I’m here for you” is as rare as a shooting star

I get sad sometimes because it’s so much easier to be sad than it is to be happy

I get sad sometimes because “fake it till you make it” is exhausting

I get sad sometimes because my laughter is not the best medicine

I get sad sometimes because even medicine is not the best medicine

I get sad sometimes because I’m sick; I get sick sometimes because I’m sad

I get sad sometimes because I am my own worst enemy

I get sad sometimes because I admire the tree by the road a little too much

I get sad sometimes because I’d rather feel something than nothing

I get sad sometimes because I’m a needy friend

I get sad sometimes because my neediness means I have no friends

I get sad sometimes because I feel that I’m too difficult

I get sad sometimes because I feel like a terrible role model to my brother

I get sad sometimes because the thought of him being like me is terrifying

I get sad sometimes because my love for him comes out like hate

I get sad sometimes because I make others sad

I get sad sometimes because I let people in who don’t care for me

I get sad sometimes because I push away those that do care

I get sad sometimes because I love to internalize criticism

I get sad sometimes because even now when I think about it, I’m sad

Positive vibes. Positive vibes? I can’t pull positive vibes out of my ass

Most importantly and worst of all

I get sad sometimes for no fucking reason at all

 

 

All of this is to say, that my depression is a part of me, but it’s not who I am. Like my man Shrek, I am an onion with many layers, sadness being one of them. Yes, I have the ability to be happy, that was never the argument. My ability to be happy is simply made a little bit harder. That doesn’t make it not worth it, and that doesn’t mean I’m not trying. Everyone has their different meaning of what it is to be happy. For some of us, we’re still working on it. For some of us, it’s probably going to take some more time.

Having depression for as long as I’ve had boobs has molded me into the person that I am today. For better or worse. Have I been told to get over being depressed? Yeah, all the time. I’ve stopped listening to those people, because while their intentions are masked with goodness, those people want you to stay down, regardless of if they even realize it or not. Those are the people that actively fight empathy toward you, because apparently, acknowledging someone’s emotions is some sort of cardinal sin that most of us don’t know about.

Again, this isn’t about garnering pity. The idea of posting this is giving me anxiety. I know I need to get this out though, because I owe it to myself and the boatloads of other people who feel the exact same way; completely and utterly alone. I don’t want your pity or apologies, that wont fix anything. What I want is an understanding of how I feel, and an understanding that I totally get how you feel. I don’t want this to be all about me or my problems, I want this to open up a larger discussion that doesn’t have to involve me at all. I want people to feel like these corners of the internet are safe spaces to express feelings and thoughts. It doesn’t need to be profound, because sadness isn’t this enlightening idea that needs constructive criticism.

I’m taking this overwhelmingly negative thing in my life, and doing what I can to turn it into something positive. It’s a bumpy ride and not everything works out, but that’s why I chose to write about it. I’m allowed to express my negative thoughts and still find a way to make it insightful and important. After all, these discussion are important. Is it super fun? No. But getting the sex talk from your parents isn’t fun either, yet it still needs to be discussed.

 

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Brad, I think it’s time you know: Your mother and I have had sex at least one time

Please, please, please, if you are able, take the time to check out your NAMI chapter, or National Alliance on Mental Illness. They need you, and those of us in that corner definitely need you. You don’t have to donate money, but time is highly encouraged from my end.

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, please call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Most important, find some education tools on mental illness if you are unsure about anything. Mental illness is a collection of silent diseases that rarely get recognition, and it’s time that we get together and do something about it. Remember that you don’t have to be an expert in order to be helpful to those in need. You do not need to know all the answers. We just want you to be there for us.

 

That’s all I have for you guys today. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps me out. Also don’t forget to have an amazing Friday full of sunshine and unicorns and rainbows!

 

Stay beautiful!

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I will never edit my pictures in a way that misrepresents my natural weight and body type. Some Links may be affiliate links. All opinions are my own.

A Case for Wearing Makeup to the Gym

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Hello my lovelies!

 

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Visual representation of me working out.

 

I think we all know that working out, eating healthy, and maintaining a work/life balance are essential things to keeping our bodies, and our minds, healthy. Sometimes, we are more than happy to jump into one or two of those things, but possibly resistant to a third. If you’re like me, your resistance is most likely toward working out.

I’ve always been an athlete. I’ve been figure skating since I was seven, and that came with lots of off ice conditioning. Eventually, once I tried out college, I knew I needed to figure out ways to work out that didn’t involve an ice rink. Insert: Gym. The only problem was, I didn’t know a world where eyes were watching you use the elliptical machine in an aggressive manner, or judging you for maybe using the stair climber incorrectly. Or, especially in my case, being asked if I was ill after a workout, because no matter how fine I am after exercising, I always get red splotches against my pale skin that make me look like I am about to pass out any second.

I came to realize, all my years of working out at the rink, I was wearing makeup. My practice was almost always after school, and even back in the day, I was wearing makeup because I loved it. I never felt judged for the appearance of my skin after a workout, because I felt confident with my cake face holding up like a bulletproof vest, no matter the amount of sweat. Even during the weekend ice times when I didn’t wear an ounce of makeup, I was surrounded by people who had known me since I was seven. What more could they judge me for that they hadn’t already?!

Walking into a gym already makes you a badass. Walking into the gym with the confidence of a male peacock? That’s some next level alien confidence that very few people discover immediately. It’s perfectly ok to not feel yourself when you first start at a gym. It’s perfectly ok if you still don’t a couple of months later. However, I want to make a case for wearing makeup to the gym. While I’ve graduated to going to the gym bare-faced, it took me a lot of time to feel ok with it internally, and that’s what this is about; myself and how I feel.

Don’t ever forget that a gym membership is not going to fix your self-esteem, and neither is wearing makeup. That’s something that you have to discover for yourself. It might take a while, it might suck a lot sometimes, but a journey to finding yourself and what makes you feel good, that’s one of the most important things you can accomplish in life.

 

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I look good. Why wouldn’t I wear this to the gym?

 

Reasons to Wear Makeup to the Gym:

1. Confidence Booster –

It’s not inherently wrong to use makeup to help your confidence. I accept my face and all of the cystic acne spots in their red, beaming glory. I also feel pretty fantastic when I have even the smallest amount of makeup on, to help make my problem areas less apparent. I’m not using makeup to replace my self-esteem, I’m using it to help, and that is absolutely fine!

2. Covers Insecurities –

While this one ties in with the first point, I want to also point out that even if you just use corrector for the under eyes and head out the door, or throw on a full face, you’re covering what makes you feel most insecure, and that’s ok. I really don’t believe that there are people on this planet who have zero insecurities. It’s part of being human. I may no longer be insecure about my acne, but I will honestly say that I lack confidence about my body, and that’s something I need to work on. Covering something that you don’t yet love or accept about yourself doesn’t make you a bad person. Notice how I say yet.

3. First Impressions Matter –

The weird thing about the gym is that it’s almost like a job interview every time you go, with different people almost every time. You want people to think that you take care of yourself. Duh, you’re doing that right now! Wearing a little makeup to show that you’re extra into personal care? That you’re extra into yourself? Why not?

4. Because You Can Do Whatever You Want –

The nice part about being an autonomous entity is that you don’t actually have to follow rigid guidelines on how to human. Wear makeup to the gym. Don’t wear makeup to the gym. Wear a dress to the gym. What I’m saying is, do whatever the fuck you want because it makes you happy and confident. It may sound selfish, but we need to stop worrying about other people so much. It 100% does not matter what benchpressing Bob thinks of you, whether you’re wearing makeup or not.

 

That’s all I have for you guys today. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps me out. Also don’t forget to have a beautiful Wednesday.

 

Stay beautiful!

 

 

Disclaimer: I will never edit my pictures in a way that misrepresents my natural weight and body type. Some Links may be affiliate links. All opinions are my own.